A Quick Note for the Superstitious:

Today, June 6, 2006, is not necessarily the beginning of the apocalypse. However, for all we know, this could be the beginning of a zombie attack (I have absolutely no evidence to back this, but I love hearing your squeals of joy). Bring your weapons (pens and staplers do kind of count), and for God's sake, leave some zombies for me. And now, I give you...

Zombie Removal for the Office or School.

Now, this entry promises to be a short one, as I have to leave for school, myself, in just a few minutes. However, there are a few things one should know about zombie removal in tight office or school places.

The Office
Really, the office is littered with bludgeons and piercing objects with which to stun, throw off, or perhaps even kill a zombie. Many of these methods will only buy you time to figure out a more effective way of zombie-thrashing, but they should be helpful anyway.
First of all, take notice of pens and staplers. They're absolutely everywhere. A pen serves as a close-combat weapon which one can jam into the temple of the zombie attacker. A stapler serves not only as a convenient way to bind paper together, but as an effective bludgeon. Speaking of bludgeons, one only has to look so far as his or her computer monitor for an effective means of dragoonery.

The School Environment
These particular tips are special ones; those that I may very well be using the moment I set foot into the dungeon that is summer school this morning. Let's say you step through the doors and you hear a moaning sound. Well, I imagine you can already get an idea of what's going on. Do you remember the pens? Well, that's a good thing; at least do yourself a favor and grab one for safe measure. If you don't have a pen on you, go ahead and grab one of your schoolbooks.
If all else fails, use the fire alarm and run for dear life (I say this, not only because it can be an attracting noise for zombies, but it may very well also get you into immense amounts of trouble; imagine how well the story of, "I heard a zombie!" would work). That, or use one of the objects littered about in the school to throw the ghoul to the side. Really, you won't have to do very much looking, so that should be fairly easy.

Well, there you have it. I do sincerely wish you a happy day filled with superstition and zombie awareness. Have a fine day, and happy hunting.

I recently noticed a comment that I'd never seen before; it's a very good question, and it does need to be addressed immediately.

"What do you do if you happen to encounter a hoard of the undead in a small, confined place with no weapons and no escape; are there any fighting styles that could help?"

Let me say that I hope that none of you ever end up in this situation; however, I suppose that the situation for some is inevitable. Some fighting styles that I've taken notice of are:
1. Systema Russian Martial Arts
2. Tae Kwon Do
3. Street Fighting

Russian Martial Arts
The thing I've noticed about Russian Martial Arts, having watched the videos, is that, given the right technique, the attacker will barely ever get the chance to touch you. Many of the demonstrations I saw involved the attacker grabbing the victim (a maneuver commonly seen with zombies). The technique in this style involves throwing the victim straight to the ground (in a zombie scenario, just incorporate this style with a swift stomp to the head). The one catch to this is that if you're cornered by a crowd of zombies, your engergy will probably drain pretty quickly, and I wish you the best of luck if you encounter a fat one. However, in cases such as these, this art could prove to be beneficial. Visit http://russianmartialart.com for more details.

Tae Kwon Do
Now, I've taken Tae Kwon Do classes in the past; however, I never managed to finish with more than a white belt due to my financial situations. However, even as a scarcely trained white belt, I could still haul ass in the event of a zombie attack. Now, if even a white belt could pull this off, imagine the prowess of a black belt! Tae Kwon Do involves high kicks as well as kicks and punches that could launch a zombie at least a foot or two back. (Keep in mind that this only applies to zombies here, as they have no fighting abilities of which to speak; don't try it on a living human without proper training.) The high kicks and punches, if executed correctly, may even manage to destroy a zombie's skull. I doubt that it could happen too often, but your life is definitely worth a shot. Visit the World Taekwondo Federation (WTF, yes, I know) for more details. http://www.wtf.org Yes, it's a real site.

Street Fighting
I don't know all too much about street fighting, but injuries and even deaths result from this style on a daily basis. Even tournaments are held in Bangkok for this art. I'm not sure just how intense the fighting is over there, but I'm sure that a few Americans would literally die in a tournament such as that. (Hence, you're pretty damned lucky if you encounter zombies whilst you have a Bangkok street fighter by your side.) Definitely look into street fighting as an alternative if you can't afford to learn the other two styles.

These styles may be useful, but in a situation involving the undead, you may not have too big a chance of living unless you've got mind-blowing weaponry (Oh, my! I made a funny). If you are aware of the presence of zombies, do your best to keep a bludgeon, blade, or firearm on hand. I hope I've helped you fine people. Have a fine day, and happy hunting!

I know, I know...no entries for quite some time. I'm waiting for my muse to show up, so don't give up on me.

*thumbs up*

Oh, yes, a high school English poem.

I love you, your utter simplicity.
The sound of your voice brings felicity.
Your emotionless moans just bring me to tears;
A joyous treat for my longing ears.

As I aim for your head, I giggle with glee,
As such massacres bring joy to me!
Splattering your brains is my newest hobby;
I love you, baby, you beautiful zombie.

~Sabrina McHan, 2006

The explanation for this: the assignment in English II was to write a poem about something that I love, containing some kind of poetic devices (if you'll notice, personification, alliteration, imagery, rhyme...). Well, I had completely forgotten about it the night before, so I thought, "Hey! Zombies would make a great subject for a quick poem!" The explanation for it's shoddiness: it only took two minutes to complete.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the poem, and I hope it brought a little light-hearted joy into your ever-so-serious zombie-hunting lives.

Good lord!!

I realize now that I haven't updated in over a month. Hey, sorry, guys. I've been incredibly busy...I know, it's shocking that I don't make a living or find sheer enjoyment in consuming every last waking moment advising about how to ward off a zombie hoarde. Well, sorry, kids. I hope I can update more in the future.

Well, while I'm at it, I may as well give you a bit of advice, right?

BOMBS ARE NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!

It is only a good idea to use an explosive device if you find yourself in an incredibly, yea, inexplicably dangerous situation. Most explosives operate with the use of shrapnel, right? They, basically, shoot little tiny metal objects abroad in a random fashion. The odds of hitting many zombies are very slim. However, if you find yourself facing a giant mob of ghouls, a grenade wouldn't do much harm as a last resort...well, to you, anyway, providing you embrace the meaning of the words, "Get the fuck out and RUN!!"

No flaming devices are a good idea, either. If you stop to think, you'll realize that the way to demolish a zombie is to halt the functioning of the brain. This can be done by severely damaging the cerebrum. Common logic states that zombies are normally fairly recently deceased humans walking abroad, eating the flesh of whatever human is available. Hence the question, why would a zombie's skull be any weaker than that of a regular human? The answer is this: it wouldn't be. This would lead one to question how long it would take for flames to penetrate a skull. Let me tell you, it takes quite a long time. So steer clear of the idea that fire solves every problem, you silly little pyromaniacs.

However, if you absolutely must use any flaming device, so as to satisfy your craving to set things on fire, I'd recommend that you immediately take up the sport of archery, master that, and light your arrow on fire. At least you'd have a chance of penetrating the zombie's skull, then.

I hope that this, one of the briefest of entries, has helped you to become more informed. Have a great day, and happy hunting.